As I related in my last blog post, I have not written for over three months. What prompted me to start writing again?

Let me relate a brief conversation that I just had that compelled me to finally walk over to my computer and start a new file in my blog.

A gentleman called the office and in a very strong and velvety and commanding voice asked to speak to me. So, I picked up the phone. He said: “I know it is a rotten economy, life is hard, business is down...” and I am thinking, so why am I listening to this person as he pulls me down the well of his ignorance and negativity? And, I kept listening.... “and you probably like to be doing something really different at this time, don't you?”

Well, I thought, Hawaii is not a bad idea just about now...water, really, any body of water....“No, I would not,” I said. “Do you even know what it is that we do here?” I asked.

“Well, I see you are a publishing company.”

“Well, do you know what we publish?”

“Well, no, I cannot really say.....”

“So, I said, "you make a sales call, you don't know what we do, and you are trying to tell me that life is so bad that I should consider giving my business to you to sell, because... you are trying to convince me of your great track record... by pushing your negative agenda on me...and you want me to trust you and do business with you?”

So then I politely asked him to take us off his call list. I did not mention that such a stupid communication style turned me off immediately and I did not want to listen even if he had something great to sell to me.

So I started to pay serious attention to my process of communication and see what I can learn by my observations of both myself and the way others communicate and how I respond to various kinds of communications. When we get angry at someone, there is usually something inside of us that needs to be looked at.

We really need to learn the art of communication, if not for anything else but to become nicer people that others want to be with and not try to avoid! As we get older, this is even more important than it seems.

So, now I am wondering, what is it in communication that I look for, respond to, and strive for in myself? Since I am really in the communication business, I need to be the best communicator that I can be; right? Whatever I am looking for in others, I have to be able to do it myself first.

Some time ago, we received another sales call and I also spoke to the man. He was selling air conditioning repair services and he was so polite, so nice, so knowledgeable that I told him what a pleasure it was to speak to him. I asked for his supervisor and commended him for the kind of sales people he trained. I did not purchase the package at that time, but I still remember that man and his very beautiful way of communicating something that may at some point be very useful in this environment: a well kept air conditioner. If I need this service, he will be the first that I will call.

How about the personal communications that we have daily?

Sometimes I have sat at dinner with people only to have the entire evening dominated by one person's opinions on life here and thereafter, or some story about others and details of their lives that I have absolutely no interest in. Or the person assumes that this is a seminar on spirituality and he or she has all the information that needs to be “shared” at that exact time. It seems that the person doing all the talking has sprung a leak somewhere and you cannot stop it at all! No one else has any chance to say anything.

In this particular occasion, I tried to insert a few questions here and there, as did others, and finally gave up. The person kept talking and never once looked at the table full of people who were basically squirming: eating, looking around and away, trying to be polite and generally gave up. People were giving every polite signal that they could give except to shout “Enough already; you are such a bore.”

How often have you stared at someone with a glazed look on your face as he or she spoke endlessly about every single detail of their life, their feelings, looking up at the sky for details, looking away from you, and even if you interrupted with a question to gain a bit of relief, the person just took a breath and continued to speak....starting where they left off. I have often observed that this pause is punctuated by a loud breath by the person doing the speaking as if to say; “you interrupted me... as I was saying....” well you know the kind I mean? Or perhaps you have been guilty of the same? I am sure I have done the same thing, never noticing the squirming.

Not long ago a friend asked me a simple question in an email. I responded with a four page essay! The friend said that it was overwhelming to read so it was not read! No wonder! Everything was spilled out at once. I sprung a leak! I felt so bad, I had to release the pain through writing a poem “It Spills Out.”

I learned something profound: every statement and communication is not an invitation to spill it all out. If you have something to say, then make it short, to the point, and respond to the question only and not to the entire underlying foundation and the philosophical-moral-religious-psychological-historical issues. Every question, every conversation, is not an oral examination for PhD candidacy! So, as you can see, I do the same thing and I need to pay attention to this as well. Heaven help me to become a better communicator.

Coming up Next: The Art of Communication: Part 3: Rules According to Gita

Gita