(In Part One, I wrote about meeting Sheila's Mom and helping her plan a memorial service. Sheila had passed away a year earlier from a degenerative spinal cord disease. The family was suffering immensely for this loss and we wanted to plan a memorial service that met the needs of the family.)

So why are some people born with immense difficulties and others not? Is it punishment, atonement, a way of service and learning, a way to prove one's own inner strength that is never seen from the outside, a way to teach others about the capacities inherent in each of us that is beyond the outer form? Is it punishment for the afflicted or the families who face these difficulties and are never able to forget them?

As I looked into my friend's eyes, she seemed sad beyond her smiles; a depth of sadness that no one can truly understand. It changes continuously as we speak. It comes right up front and then recedes to the recesses of her eyes. The sadness is alive and vibrating in her heart and surely, in the hearts of her family. Even though families who have experienced immense personal tragedies will say how much they learned about life and love and forgiveness and appreciation from such experiences, the sadness remains and the questions remain. How long it takes for us to understand! How much suffering we have to endure until we can understand. How much pain in our eyes and etched on our faces until we get a glimmer of hope in the eternal life?

We cannot speculate why and how someone is born in a particular body. I personally feel that peering into someone else's inner or psychic life is none of our business. No matter how many theories and religious reasons we may try to find, we will simply never know. If we continue to speculate, we could make ourselves believe something that may not be true. Why fill our minds and emotions with additional illusions and deceptions? Why not say, “I don't know until I know for sure,” and let it go at that and then try to find the hidden meaning behind the experience and not the fact of the condition of the person who was the vehicle for the experience?

What we can do is learn about the deeper layers of life, creation, and the depth of human experiences and expressions despite the seemingly insurmountable challenges of those around us. We can find the hidden joy in the way someone articulates and spreads love despite the fact that they cannot speak, and cannot do much. And, when we ourselves face insurmountable challenges, perhaps we could stop the speculations and the guilt and simply see what can be learned from the process. It is about “re-framing,” or “re-branding” the particular impasse in our life.

We can ask: What did this person teach me and demonstrate to me? What is it about the mystery of life that enables people with deep challenges to rise above them? What do they prove about life? What do I learn from it? How can I, an able bodied person, do more about my life from this example?

Why is it that people with challenges rise and shine beyond our expectations? Do we not understand the power of the soul? Do we not understand the immensity of the soul's progress and capacities? Do we not appreciate that even though the outer form is incapable, the inner is still living and expressing in ways we may not fully understand? Can we find the space in our minds to understand that although the outer form is being extremely challenged, the inner voice is alive and living and expressing and has its own lessons to learn and to teach and to experience?

As we experience these painful challenges, can we continue to love and open our hearts to those who need us right now, our children and our spouses? Can we stretch to include more in our hearts even though we may feel we cannot stretch one more thread of our being?

In every family and community, there are those who need to be taken care of, who seem unable or challenged beyond their means whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Life “sprinkles” these persons into every family and community. They need love and help from those able. And, we need their examples of love and care and courage. Everyone learns and everyone benefits from having all kinds of people living and growing in close proximity. If not we, then who will take care of those who need care? How will a soul learn what needs to be learned and taught? How can we learn the depths of strength and compassion that we are capable of? Can we see these persons as our teachers and we theirs? Where will souls go to when they need to learn and grow and express in new ways if not to us? How could we learn if we do not face adversity?

And, just as importantly, can we see ourselves in these people who are in our care, or who stand outside needing care?

These are valuable questions for us to ponder on as we face personal, family, and even social issues about caring for others and finding the room in our hearts to care for people who need to be cared for. May we find the ways to stretch the fiber of our hearts a bit more, and find the way to see ourselves in others and to see the world with the eyes of the heart.

Gita

Link to Part 1
Link to Part 3

- For more information about memorial services for the departed, see the book Other Worlds by Torkom Saraydarian.